Abundance

I'm working outside the home full-time now, so have less time to write. But, stuff is still happening that makes me shake my head in wonder.

A few weeks ago, I had over 5 garbage bags full of laundry to wash (I won't get into the details of why). On a Sunday morning with little free time and what I hoped was enough cash, I headed for our local coin laundromat to knock it all out in one fell swoop. Turned out the change machine was broken and when I tried to buy a candy bar to get quarters from the convenience store next door, I was abruptly told to find a bank.

I drove to the next town over, to find the only other laundromat I knew of was gone. Not sure what to do next, I headed up a main street with little luck. I found another place, but it was closed. Called my husband who gave me a place out of the phone book, but judging by the address it was at least 20 minutes away. Even tried a check cashing store, but discouraged by the long lines and the fees, got back into the car and almost headed home. I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm not meant to do this. Maybe I'm supposed to spend the next three days at home doing all this wash."

Took a second to think quietly and ask for help, then saw an image of a roll of quarters being handed to me from a cash register. It didn't feel like a bank, but it was enough to keep me going. So, instead of turning toward home, I drove in the opposite direction and while searching, the name of the next next town over came to mind. When I got there, I stopped in a familiar shopping plaza, went into the dollar store and asked the first clerk I saw if there was a laundromat close by. She said, "Why, in fact there is one. Just around the block on the next side street." I followed her directions and found myself in front of a small coin laundry tucked back on a little street directly in front of a sign marking the entrance to the town that popped into my head.

It gets better. Not only did the change machine work, but when I needed to break a ten-dollar bill, the cashier at the convenience store next door gave me $6.00 in change as quarters without my asking for them! When I went back a second time, the same cashier pulled out a roll of quarters and gave that to me! At that same moment, a woman standing beside me who was buying lottery tickets and heard my request for quarters said, "You need quarters? I worked last night. I have tons of them." She reached into her purse and pulled out two overflowing fistfuls of quarters saying she collects them and had plenty. I stared at this woman's hands in disbelief. This is when I started to get that, "This is surreal is this really happening" feeling. I never have cash on me - who carries around this kind of cash anymore?!

I finished that boatload of laundry in record time, happy and relieved.

There was no crisis, I could have easily gone home and buried myself in wash. But, here was this gift - a clue, some change, and a couple nice people willing to help. Even with the smallest things in life, guidance from the Universe is available when we need it. You just have to ask.

The Perfect Portal

A few friends and family members have been asking about contacting their loved ones who have passed. And their loved ones have asked me to help them learn.

All my life, I've felt a little strange. I love to learn, I love to read, I soak it all in, but if someone were to ask me what my hobbies or interests are, I always draw a blank.

My husband and I laugh because I can watch a movie and shortly after watch it again as if I'd never seen it before. I'll have a vague recollection of the movie, but I can't quote any of the lines and will enjoy it like a first viewing.

It's as if the center of my mind is an empty vessel and everything I've taken in is tucked away somewhere deep. It's all there somewhere but not in the forefront of my mind. Sometimes, I feel like my brain is a sieve. Where did it all go?!

The best advice I can give is that you have to clear your mind. You can't be thinking about what to make for dinner or who said what on last night's tv show. Your mind can't be wandering to this or that. In order to perceive that something outside yourself is coming in, you have to wipe the slate clean and bury your own thoughts so you can recognize the thoughts and emotions of others.

When you've finally reached that place of zen and your mind is quiet, it's time to go fishing. Drop the line and then wait, watch, listen. It will come. Maybe not right away. Maybe not even the same day. But, eventually it will come. And how do you know? Something calls out to you. Something feels different. Something is unusual. You're perceiving not what's within, but what's around.

You might tap into what people refer to as your "inner voice." But, hearing outer voices feels different. Words, images, thoughts that are not your own are captured and it truly does not feel like it comes from you. It feels like it is coming from outside of and through you.

Start out small. Take 10 minutes of quiet a day. Ask for guidance and protection. Pose your question or reach out to your loved one. Chances are good, you will hear from them in some way. It could be a sign of some sort, a pattern, a quote in a book, a photo, a conversation with a good friend, a song playing on the radio. It's often subtle and can be easily missed.

Once you start to recognize the signs of contact, you'll be able to receive signals and messages outside your meditation time. It's a matter of practice.

A few of the books I've read on this topic give concrete examples of ways that spirits try to communicate with us. Check out the booklist (it's one of the postings) for my favorite reads.

Be patient. It's different for everyone. But it can be done!

Hold On Tight To Your Dream

Hold on tight to your dream because it is elusive.

Without energy, it has nowhere to go.

Even in our busyness, we need to pause and remember what it is we want.

And if we can't act on our dream at the moment, we can think on it.

Keeping it alive.

Generation A

Recent conversation with eight-year old daughter in car, her sitting in the back, me driving:

D: Mommy, do you believe in ghosts?
M: Slight pause. Do you mean ghosts or spirits?
D: Mommy, I mean ghosts. I know there are spirits!
M: Sigh. Yes, I believe in ghosts and spirits.
D: How do you know?
M: Because mommy talks to them.
D: Really?! I hear them!
A: What do you hear? Do you know what they are saying?
D: I don't know what they're saying. Well, I hear what no one else does. Like this. I hear, "(daughter's name)." And, I'm going, "Huh? Wha?"
A: Next time, ask them who they are and what they want. (Mom thinking to herself, am I really having this conversation?!)

Yesterday's conversation with daughter in car, her sitting in back, me driving:

D: Mommy, my friend at camp can see spirits. And I know they're there. I can go into their world.
M: Oh yeah? What's it like?
D: Kind of like here. And they sing, kind of like this (daughter makes high pitched sounds). They have their own language and they talk in English.
M: Oh, really. (In a matter of fact, this is a completely normal conversation kind of way.)

This is not the first I've heard my daughter refer to other worldliness. She has said of one of her dearest friends that their imaginary worlds are connected. "We share the same imaginary world and Mom, our hearts are connected."

Who talks like this?! Tell me, I'm not the only parent out there dealing with this. I don't remember talking this way when I was a kid, do you?! When we were growing up, this kind of talk was just us kids being imaginative and creative. But this seems different. I don't know exactly what generation we're up to X, Y, Z whatever, but these young ones are AWARE and AWAKE. Never mind tech savvy, computer literate, mature for their age, etc.... And, we have to raise them?! Yikes.

Seriously, though. Our children are going to need help understanding the world around them and by around, I mean ALL around. When my daughter first showed signs of "awareness," I kept quiet, wondering how much I would share about my own experiences and when would be the right time. But, as her interest in the topic continued, I decided to be more open, mainly to let her know it is okay, and that she is not alone.

We can listen. We can accept. And we can help our children hone their skills by sharpening our own. Yes, we can do this!!

God is All of the Above

It’s well past time I wrote about my feelings or thoughts about God. I don’t think of myself as an overly religious or spiritual person, and yet I am inspired by God and Spirit every day. I wanted to have a full out well-developed idea about who and what God is before I wrote, but that will just have to wait. For now, this is what comes to me:

God is...

Light
Life Force
Energy
Loving Creator
Larger than Life
Always on
Always here
Around us
Through us
Within us
Dependable
True
Leader
Accessible
Awesome
Eternal

All of the above.

Here's the thing. I haven't analyzed God all that much, but what I do sense is that we as humans are limited in our capacity to fully understand God and what all God entails. I can't speak for anyone else, but all growing up I imagined God as a very large person with super talents - all knowing, all seeing, etc...but a person like us. I don't know exactly how I feel now, but I no longer think God is some super duper human-like entity. God is so much more.

Letting Go

“Letting go” seems to be a recurring theme in messages from the Universe. Letting go of fear; letting go of pre-conceived notions; letting go of your past; letting go of anything really, that might be holding you back. Life is about letting go.

Had a big lesson in it this week. Last fall, I enrolled my daughter at the ballet school where I dance. The school offers formal training for girls who might want to pursue a career in dance, with an emphasis in ballet. I thought it would be good for her to receive solid training, just as I did growing up. Even if dancing was just a means for my daughter to stay physically active and improve her balance and coordination, it would be well worth it to start her in the “right” place.

She attended all year long, but never seemed overly excited about it. She kept asking if she could take jazz and hip hop. My answer was always, you have to wait until you have a couple years of ballet under your belt before you can try the others, as that was the rule at her school. As it came time to plan for the coming fall, she showed even less interest as talk of a twice a week requirement seemed to dampen her enthusiasm even more.

I am a precise, detail-oriented, rule conforming person that can easily fit into this type of ballet school. But, as I took my free-spirited artistic daughter there every week and looked around at the older girls, with their tightly fitted hair buns while her messy one was constantly falling out, I couldn’t help but think, “I’m not sure I see my daughter in these girls.”

With our family’s new commitment to financial responsibility, I had to take a hard look at the feasibility of continuing to send our daughter to this school. With her current level of interest, my full-time job, and her other activities, it was going to be tough for us to get her there, as well as pay for the increased tuition. But, wanting to provide her with “the best,” it was hard for me to just “give up”.

Began looking at other studios again and happened upon one where I take occasional classes. I vaguely recall my daughter asking me about this one as if she might be interested in attending it. “Coincidentally,” this studio offers tap, ballet, jazz and hip hop once a week during a two-hour block where students can pick and choose what they want to take based on their interests. The studio aims to instill a joy of dance for any age and any ability. This studio was calling out to me, or rather, calling out to my daughter.

I went to sleep troubled, not sure what to do. Worried about pulling her from a school were she has friends and familiarity. Worried about pulling her from the school where mommy goes. Worried that I was giving up too quickly.

In the middle of the night, songs kept playing in my head. Someone was calling and was quite persistent. It turned out to be one of Leilani’s Spirit Guides. Here is an excerpt from the next morning’s meditation and this is what she said:

Q: May I ask your name?
A: You may call me Myra.
Q: What words of wisdom do you wish to share?
A: Your daughter is a talented dancer. Do not give up on her so quickly. She needs good technique to take that creative next step.
Q: ABC is expensive.
A: It is not within your means now, but it will be.
Q: Is it okay to switch her to another dance studio?
A: Perhaps that is best for now while she is still young. She will enjoy taking other forms of dance. She is too creative to be boxed into learning only one form, even if it is the basis.
Q: What do you think of XYZ?
A: She will enjoy it there. There is too much pressure at ABC. Your daughter already feels it. Listen to the little things she says, she does not feel secure there. It is too formal for her. XYZ has a freer more fun feel to it, she will like it better.
Q: XYZ is more practical for us at this point. We just want to expose her. We are not quite ready to specialize. But if we leave ABC, she will have to return to the lower level to catch up.
A: She will only be one year behind. She will receive good training. Do not worry. You can always speak to her ballet teacher to make sure she receives the same basics so she will not be too behind should she wish to return. By then, money will not matter.
Q: That is encouraging (the money part). I was feeling very sad about letting go of our shared connection to dance. ABC is precise and formal in a way that suits me, but not her. I thought I was letting go of dance all together. Is that why you came?
A: There is no reason to “let go” of dance. You only need to “let go” of your current way of doing it and letting your daughter’s natural inclinations lead the way. She knows what she wants. Listen to her. She can still get basic training and have fun with freer forms of dance. Don’t let go of the dream, just yet. It’s okay to make it fit with your life as it is.
Q: Thank you so much for coming and sharing your guidance. I’m so grateful. It’s so hard as a parent to know the right thing to do.
A: You’re welcome. God bless.

That same day, I spoke with the director of the new studio and felt better about the prospect of moving. I was nervous to bring up the subject with my daughter for she can be quite the contrarian and like any young child, resistant to change. Myra kept popping in throughout the day to let me know she would help and that my daughter would be okay with this decision. Found a way to ease into the conversation by talking about “mommy’s other studio.” All I had to say were the words tap, jazz, hip hop, and ponytail and her face lit up. Even found another friend who might take class with her, easing any anxiety she might have had about leaving her friends at the old school.

I was shocked at how easy that was, but then again why should I be? I listened to my heart, listened to my daughter’s, sought guidance, got the okay, and voila. Everything lines up like magic.

Letting go was hard. Letting go of my own aspirations so that my daughter’s could take flight. Letting go, hoping for a good landing and trusting that all would be okay, maybe even better.

Who would have thought that free falling could actually lead to falling into place?!

Method to the Madness, Part 2

I’ve been thinking but not writing about the concept of irony. Mainly, because I believe I’m supposed to read a new book that just came out called, “The Map: Finding the Magic and Meaning in the Story of Your Life" by Colette Baron-Reid. But, feeling as if I've left an idea dangling out there, thought I’d better try to write something in the meantime.

This one is hard, partly because the idea is complex and partly because I’ll have to go deep to explore it. So, decided to ease in to start. Here goes....

Life is ironic on purpose.

Let’s take the example of the number 3. I am the oldest of three children. We were a family of 5 which meant that someone was always the odd man out. Always. Amusement park rides, table settings, you name it – we were always one short or one too many. I’m providing what seems like a trivial example, but the dynamic of 3 was frustrating for me. There is truth to that saying “Three’s a crowd.” I swore that when I had a family of my own, I would have an even number of children, either two or four but NEVER three!

So what happens?! I end up with one child resulting in a family of three! Odd for a lifetime!! Having mostly friends with two children, we are constantly dealing with the threesome play date. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s always something to consider. This may seem inconsequential, but circumnavigating life around the number three can be tricky. When I was a kid, my response was to withdraw. As an adult, I am faced yet again with this challenge. But if I disengage like I did when I was younger, there is much to lose.

Somehow we’ve made the threesome family work. My husband, daughter and I are in constant motion to keep the balance. Everyone gets a turn at being a pair. When we’re all together, the triangle becomes a circle, expanding and contracting its sides to avoid sharp corners. The threesome has become a ring.

As far as Leilani’s friendships, this is something she will have to work out, learning to get along with siblings, making room for them in her play. She’s done this with a few of her relationships, but can continue to develop a dynamic that is comfortable for everyone. As she gets older, I suspect it will become easier and less of an issue. For me as mom, I just have to go with the flow, rather than try to control it. Just let things be.

Rather than curse the number 3, what else can I do but embrace it?! Make the best of it. Make it work. Something I fought all growing up, would serve itself up as a lesson later in life. Once I recognized and acknowledged the irony, things more or less fell into place. The ink spot faded, becoming less noticeable. I’m finding out that once you’ve discovered and resolved a life lesson, you’re done – time to move forward and take on something else.

Look for the irony in your life – there’s a lesson just around the corner!