Letting Go

“Letting go” seems to be a recurring theme in messages from the Universe. Letting go of fear; letting go of pre-conceived notions; letting go of your past; letting go of anything really, that might be holding you back. Life is about letting go.

Had a big lesson in it this week. Last fall, I enrolled my daughter at the ballet school where I dance. The school offers formal training for girls who might want to pursue a career in dance, with an emphasis in ballet. I thought it would be good for her to receive solid training, just as I did growing up. Even if dancing was just a means for my daughter to stay physically active and improve her balance and coordination, it would be well worth it to start her in the “right” place.

She attended all year long, but never seemed overly excited about it. She kept asking if she could take jazz and hip hop. My answer was always, you have to wait until you have a couple years of ballet under your belt before you can try the others, as that was the rule at her school. As it came time to plan for the coming fall, she showed even less interest as talk of a twice a week requirement seemed to dampen her enthusiasm even more.

I am a precise, detail-oriented, rule conforming person that can easily fit into this type of ballet school. But, as I took my free-spirited artistic daughter there every week and looked around at the older girls, with their tightly fitted hair buns while her messy one was constantly falling out, I couldn’t help but think, “I’m not sure I see my daughter in these girls.”

With our family’s new commitment to financial responsibility, I had to take a hard look at the feasibility of continuing to send our daughter to this school. With her current level of interest, my full-time job, and her other activities, it was going to be tough for us to get her there, as well as pay for the increased tuition. But, wanting to provide her with “the best,” it was hard for me to just “give up”.

Began looking at other studios again and happened upon one where I take occasional classes. I vaguely recall my daughter asking me about this one as if she might be interested in attending it. “Coincidentally,” this studio offers tap, ballet, jazz and hip hop once a week during a two-hour block where students can pick and choose what they want to take based on their interests. The studio aims to instill a joy of dance for any age and any ability. This studio was calling out to me, or rather, calling out to my daughter.

I went to sleep troubled, not sure what to do. Worried about pulling her from a school were she has friends and familiarity. Worried about pulling her from the school where mommy goes. Worried that I was giving up too quickly.

In the middle of the night, songs kept playing in my head. Someone was calling and was quite persistent. It turned out to be one of Leilani’s Spirit Guides. Here is an excerpt from the next morning’s meditation and this is what she said:

Q: May I ask your name?
A: You may call me Myra.
Q: What words of wisdom do you wish to share?
A: Your daughter is a talented dancer. Do not give up on her so quickly. She needs good technique to take that creative next step.
Q: ABC is expensive.
A: It is not within your means now, but it will be.
Q: Is it okay to switch her to another dance studio?
A: Perhaps that is best for now while she is still young. She will enjoy taking other forms of dance. She is too creative to be boxed into learning only one form, even if it is the basis.
Q: What do you think of XYZ?
A: She will enjoy it there. There is too much pressure at ABC. Your daughter already feels it. Listen to the little things she says, she does not feel secure there. It is too formal for her. XYZ has a freer more fun feel to it, she will like it better.
Q: XYZ is more practical for us at this point. We just want to expose her. We are not quite ready to specialize. But if we leave ABC, she will have to return to the lower level to catch up.
A: She will only be one year behind. She will receive good training. Do not worry. You can always speak to her ballet teacher to make sure she receives the same basics so she will not be too behind should she wish to return. By then, money will not matter.
Q: That is encouraging (the money part). I was feeling very sad about letting go of our shared connection to dance. ABC is precise and formal in a way that suits me, but not her. I thought I was letting go of dance all together. Is that why you came?
A: There is no reason to “let go” of dance. You only need to “let go” of your current way of doing it and letting your daughter’s natural inclinations lead the way. She knows what she wants. Listen to her. She can still get basic training and have fun with freer forms of dance. Don’t let go of the dream, just yet. It’s okay to make it fit with your life as it is.
Q: Thank you so much for coming and sharing your guidance. I’m so grateful. It’s so hard as a parent to know the right thing to do.
A: You’re welcome. God bless.

That same day, I spoke with the director of the new studio and felt better about the prospect of moving. I was nervous to bring up the subject with my daughter for she can be quite the contrarian and like any young child, resistant to change. Myra kept popping in throughout the day to let me know she would help and that my daughter would be okay with this decision. Found a way to ease into the conversation by talking about “mommy’s other studio.” All I had to say were the words tap, jazz, hip hop, and ponytail and her face lit up. Even found another friend who might take class with her, easing any anxiety she might have had about leaving her friends at the old school.

I was shocked at how easy that was, but then again why should I be? I listened to my heart, listened to my daughter’s, sought guidance, got the okay, and voila. Everything lines up like magic.

Letting go was hard. Letting go of my own aspirations so that my daughter’s could take flight. Letting go, hoping for a good landing and trusting that all would be okay, maybe even better.

Who would have thought that free falling could actually lead to falling into place?!